Too Much Information

Today I breech a delicate and somewhat uncomfortable topic. I only do so because I realize that my own children are becoming more aware of what’s going on around them, and they are not afraid to repeat whatever they hear, and have not developed a filter on what you should and should not say. My oldest is getting a bit better, but will still occasionally blurt out something like, “Hey, there’s the fat lady who’s supposed to help us!” And, my two toddlers will repeat ANYTHING.

Knowing this about them, I have put the kibosh on almost all television - Especially anything after 5:00 p.m.. It’s just not safe. Here’s what I am most afraid of:

WAY too frequently I am assaulted with commercials promoting “male enhancement”. I can’t even imagine how many shades of red I would turn if my daughter blurted out something about (as one commercial puts it) “that certain part of the male anatomy”.
Maybe it is my wholesome upbringing, and I am just being a prude. Or maybe I am just incredibly immature and need to grow up. In fact, that’s not even a maybe. I am immature. I still giggle whenever my husband says things like, “I don’t do that, but what I do do, is ______“ Pretty much it doesn’t matter what he says from there on, because I’ve been too distracted by the “doodoo”. I also giggle when people say “duty” but don’t enunciate the “T” so it sounds like “doody” I know. It’s bad.

But still, even so, I say, Enough!
When the ads come on, I get embarrassed. I feel I ought to avert my eyes, but then again, if I avert my eyes, I feel like I might as well shout to the room,
“Hey, everyone! This makes me uncomfortable!”. But guess what - IT DOES make me uncomfortable. I don’t wanna know about it. I definitely don’t want to know that you use it, and I don’t wanna have your catchy little whistling tune in my head for the rest of the day, so that I CAN’T forget about it even if I want to! And I really, REALLY don’t want anyone else to hear me whistling it! - You know the one I’m talking about.

I related this to my husband and he retorted with:
“Well, you started it”. I was dumbfounded. WHAT? He said that men have for years had to suffer with the unpleasant “tampax” and “always - with wings” bombardery. He doesn’t like the enhancement commercials any more than we love the tampax commercials, and isn’t defending them, but he was making a point. Men don’t wanna watch the “lady stuff” crap any more than you wanna watch the enhancement ads. They all know it happens, but they definitely don’t want any details, and they don’t want some “fresh as a Daisy” feminine hygiene jingle running through their heads.

Hmmm. Touche. (I’d have accent aigu’d that e if I had one on my computer.)

He is right. Ladies, we don’t really need the ads, do we? We all know which aisle to find that stuff in the grocery store. We know it exists, and we pretty much can’t (even if we want to ) forget that we need it. Even if we forget to put it on the grocery list, lets face it at some point we’re going to make a special trip JUST for that if necessary!

And, men, if you need… whatever it is that you need, you, I’m sure, could track it down. My grandma can “work the internet” and if she can find a way to forward me all the cartoons and inspirational sayings that she does, SURELY, you could find…. That stuff, if you really tried. Heck, who knows, pretty soon it will probably be right next to the tampax in the grocery store.

So, here’s my solution. Let’s call a truce. We’ll go back to being mysterious, and you can just - ya know, whatever - I just don’t wanna know about it.

Fair nuff.

I’m just sayin’. <(Just for you B.B.)