As a parent, the things that come out of my mouth never cease to amaze me.
The following statements are things I have actually said at one time:

“Don’t use your cookie to wipe your snotty nose!”
“We only use TOILET paper to wipe our butts, NOT REGULAR PAPER!”
“We DON’T LICK the bottoms of OUR shoes OR your sisters shoes!”
“Please oh PLEASE let that be mud on your hand!”
“No, you can’t ride the dog like a horse.”
“You can’t have ice cream till you eat all your hot dog.” - Because the hot dog is clearly so nutritious!
“What did she eat? WHAT DID SHE EAT? Is that SUPER GLUE?!?!?”
“Just pee in your pull-up.” - In my defense it was 3:00 a.m.
“I don’t care if she peed in the tub - urine is sterile.” -Right?

I know, it’s weird, and a little horrifying.