Look, just because we didn't know we were living through the tribulation for the last 23 years, doesn't mean it didn't happen. I mean, when you think about it, a lot of pretty bad stuff has happened. There was hurricane Katrina, PB oil spill, Tsunamis and earthquakes... AND, I broke my pinky toe last year and that REALLY hurt.
Everybody knows the earth was created on May 21, 11,006 BC. It says so right on the website. And if you would just use your logical deduction skills, and do the math you would CLEARLY see that the rapture is scheduled for 6:00 p.m. tomorrow. That's 5:00 p.m. Pacific Standard, because as we all know, God was on the American 8-5 work schedule.
And, those of you who think you ought to go out and party like it's 1999 tonight, might want to rethink your priorities. Is your house clean? Is your fridge emptied of all its expired foods? Have you cleaned out all the empty coffee cups and fast food wrappers out of your car? Well, you might want to. You don't want all the post apocalypse looters to think you were a slob when they come pillage your home now, do you?
Did I do everything on my bucket list? No. But I don't have enough time left to run a marathon and see baby sea turtles hatch in the Galapagos ilands AND vacuum the dog hair out of the intake vents.
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