Stealthy Admirer...s

Once in a while I'll hear a story about how some lucky girl got flowers or gifts from a secret admirer. And I'll admit, it used to cause a ping of jealousy inside of me. I got flowers once from a "secret admirer" ... turned out to be my mom. That was disappointing. But recently I've had a whole paradigm shift that has caused me to choose to be more of an optimist. You see, I realized that I am awesome. And that being the awesome person I am, I must be attracting the highest quality of secret admirer possible. Like, Secret Service, Navy Seal, Ninja secret. These guys are so secret, I'll probably never know they exist. And they don't do piddly things like send flowers, not these guys. These guys are out there doing things like stabilizing the local housing market so I can sell my house if I want to, or fixing the hole in the ozone so I don't get skin cancer, and directing the salmon swarms up the river at the right time so that if I ever go fishing, it won't be a waste. So, go ahead and get all giddy excited over your soon to be dead bunch of roses, girls. I'm not jealous. I'm pretty sure one of my admirers planted the "wild" lupines on the side of the highway where I run... just for me.